Becoming a non smoker and finding my BLISS

FOLLOW YOUR BLISS - I know what this means but seriously for the life of me I can't work out what totally rocks my boat. I very much like peace and calm but they are not things I can do. I was reading a blog called - Lessons from the monk I married - I will list it on the side with my fav blogs. Anyway she was talking about if we focus on our Bliss then things will run more smoothly and fall into place. It is when we folow our bliss that we are in flow. Now for some thinking about what brings me bliss. Am I that lost that I can't even think of things that bring me bliss and happiness. It's not that I can't think of things that I totally enjoy but to think of them in terms of continually being able to do them each day as part of my work is something I cannot fatham out how to accomplish. So this leaves me thinking of actual things that I can do that bring me bliss but then that is like trying to read a book upside down. I will rest on this and think on this and see what the universe shows me.

Anyway this is a great idea that she is doing on this blog - that is noting the lesson she has learnt each day. Today she has written TAKE REST. How many times I ignore this lesson when my body and mind is saying rest and I keep going.

I stopped smoking on Monday the 1st March. I do not want to smoke. I do not like the taste or the smell and I know to others that I meet they want to cross the road and avoid me but are to polite and say that's okay - we can put up with your stench. Anyway I got through day one and then day two yesterday. I nearly bit my hubbies head of but he has the patience of a saint and he can go out to his shed and have a fag. I don't envy him. I am so sick of the control that a habit like smoking has over you. Every time I did something I had to make sure I could have a smoke break. I couldn't breath properly but I still lit up a cigerette. It is a hard habit to break but I am determined to achieve my non smoking goal.

Today is day THREE and so far so good. I find the days are okay and I am keeping my hands busy. I am trying not to change my habits to much. That is - I went to shops today and I watched a DVD last night. Night time is the hardest for me and I am steeling myself for going out at night to the pub for Darts night and things like that. Not everyone smokes and they go outside but I need to be prepared for the mind games.

MIND GAMES would be so funny if not so serious. I wish I could record what my mind says to me. I am sitting there and it says "Okay let's go have a smoke". I stop whatever I am doing and then think to myself "But I don't smoke". It passes so quickly. Then there is the more insidious mind games that take hold when I am upset. Gotta stay as calm as you can when giving up smoking but life goes on and you are also dealing with the emotional waves that come over you while your body is detoxing. Silly thoughts like "Go on you can go to shop and buy smokes - you deserve it - no one will know - you can't do it".

I just stop whatever it is I am thinking and change the thought to " I DO NOT SMOKE - I am fine - I am feeling okay - I am proud of myself". I know you have to be so on guard as I started smoking at school when I was 13 and then after 14 years of smoking I stopped for 15 years. I was someone who couldn't be in the same room as a smoker and it was terrible. Then with a major upheaval in my life I ended up smoking again and cannot even begin to tell you why as I can't fathom the whole thing out myself. So I stopped worrying about why and concentrated on changing my ways again. I have been smoking for the past 5 years again with two sessions of three month giving up. So the count down never stops. I have learnt that. Vigilence every day is required.

Anyway I will be thinking about Bliss and counting the days of not smoking.

Peace to all,

Wendy