We FILTER so much - and we see so LITTLE sometimes.

Yesterday I went to a men's workshop with Mick. There is so much to write about this and I will share as I process the day in my heart.

Centre For Resilient Leadership

This is the event Mick and I attended - I will share more soon.

 

The thing right at this moment that is stuck in my mind and playing over and over again is the lesson shown again to me to NEVER judge a book by it's cover. NEVER. When I look at someone I have NO IDEA about them and their lives and where they are currently.

At lunch yesterday I was sitting with new people that I had never met before. We were sharing a bit about ourselves and our stories to open ourselves up a little to new acquaintances. I was sitting beside a woman who I had noticed immediately upon entering the function room and spending the morning learning with everyone. I had noticed her when we had morning tea. What had I noticed? I thought she was very well groomed - I liked her hairstyle and the cloths she wore and just her general feminine way of being - it gave me the impression of a strong woman who was comfortable in her femininity and her masculine side. I looked and thought - ahh well balanced - confident. She was gently spoken and quite thoughtful including others in her conversations.

At lunch I overheard as she shared her story that she was a recovering alcoholic. 5 years now. I heard that she had driven trucks interstate and large mine trucks for most of her career. I heard how she had spent most of her life working with males and growing up with males. I heard how she felt she struggled with her feminine side and how she desperately wanted to get in touch with that side of herself. I heard that she felt that there is a lack of outreach for women and more available for men.
I SAT THERE GOBSMACKED.

Seriously.... just think about how our perceptions and learnt behaviours and beliefs effect our lives and relationships with others. We FILTER so much - and we see so LITTLE sometimes.

I took this on board again. It is a difficult and never ending challenge to stop the filtering. I find one way is to SLOW DOWN and really listen to the other person. Take the time to talk and ask them their story. Ask them about themselves. But it's the choice to slow down and take the time to do this. We live in a world that taking the time to chat and talk and listen and ask questions of other's is not common. That's one way to stop some filtering.

Can you share any other ideas with me? Any other stories of how you have been shown this lesson in life?

Cheers,
Wendy

And a sunset photo - just because....

 

 

 





How I wish you were able to sit at my table - share a meal and glass of wine - and converse

Interesting event this evening. I shared a post on Facebook and then had a discussion with a friend. It was brief and contained. The topic at the moment is not what I wish to discuss and delve into but it is the fact of how I felt in my body when I gave my opinion. It is the thoughts I had as I wrote and thought about what I wanted to say. It was the fact that a comments section on Facebook or social media is just a surreal waste of space to convey a line of thought and that it does no justice to the person's sharing. And also the fact that our opinions change and our beliefs change and we are held constantly accountable and judged on our previous thoughts.

The first thing I noticed was a restriction in my chest. A tightness and a feeling that as I sat with it was akin to flight or fight response. I realised I usually run and by run I mean I hide. I do not speak. I delete what I was going to say or share unless I am sure it's okay with everyone else. I have realised that to me that's the safest option. There are benefits as I listen more. I probably let on to my opinion through silence sometimes. That happened recently when with my brother. He said, "you are awfully quiet - what's your opinion". Rabbit is a headlight.....

But I have been working on doing things differently and doing at least one thing a day that is not in my box of comfort. So today because of the intent I am putting out there I think this happened.

I have been working on FEAR's in my body, mind and spirit. The fear of rejection raised it's head here. The fear of not being agreed with. The fear of being wrong or perceived wrong.

I did a piece of artwork at college and it depicted FEAR in all it's pretty shapes and sizes and colours. Fear can disguise itself in very pretty ways that make us feel safe and secure staying with it.

I have been delving into what hold's me back from being me. From shining. From speaking. So in comes the fear of my opinion being not good enough. Fear of being inadequate to say what I wanted to say.

So I tread softly and gently and when I was going to delete I stayed. When I was telling myself, "see they will not like you now" I ignored the fear. But I will say that I checked in with my spirit and I was not coming from any unkindness and that is my gauge.

I sat with the feeling. I acknowledged all of these things going on inside me. I sat with it. I am now writing about it which in itself is another challenge because it's like being raw and open again to fear of perceived judgements.

It is so interesting this fear of sharing an opinion. Well for me it is. I know many people who have no problems at sharing very loudly their opinions and beliefs with the intent of trying to get me to adjust and move into their way of thinking. So I thought about what I want out of saying what I think. I believe it is the desire to be heard. The desire to say, "Hey I am thinking this even though maybe tomorrow after learning more I will be thinking something else". It is learning and discovering.

Which brings me to the point of where I feel some fear originates within. For me over time I have found that once you voice a belief or idea or opinion you are held to it. That is so wrong. We all change and learn. I do know some people who seem never to change and they keep repeating the same story over and over with just slightly different nuances. I know that my opinions and beliefs are so more mature and open and rounded and fuller than 5 years ago - 1 year ago - even 6 months ago.

And as said at the beginning, it seems to me that the fact that a comments section on Facebook or social media is just a surreal waste of space to convey a line of thought and that it does no justice to the person's sharing. There is so much more conversation I had with my husband after this where I realised so much is misconstrued and picked over and how I had wished I was able to actually have been able to convey without a foolscap page of text in a comments section. It is NOT the place of building understanding and intelligent sharing and learning.

Yes information can be shared on there and this leads to more information gathering and hoarding but no real connection and it is wrong of me to assume this. I want more real conversation over a meal and around a table. That's what I want.

So another thing I am writing gradually is a list of what I truly want in my life and I am adding this...

To sit around my table and share my food over good stimulating conversations that doesn't lead to fighting and yelling or me agreeing with you and you agreeing with me but where we learn to see things from another's perspective and commune with one another - and of course a glass of wine - always a nice glass of wine.

 

So cheers,
And feel free to leave a long comment.... Hahahah

Wendy